a conservative encourages marketing beastie to conservatives

rob_spellberg emailrob at emailrob.com
Tue Apr 5 12:57:37 PDT 2005

abstract:  beastie is neither Good nor Evil;
   Good and Evil are determined by the human who commands the daemons.
two points are made that have been found to be useful in
   persuading the suspicious of his potential for Goodness.
humor is used to "punch up" an otherwise droll post.
the author concludes that the use of beastie should be increased.

greetings ---

i've been very busy these past few months,
   so i am only just now finding time to weigh in on the "beastie discussion",
   raging, lo, these many years, most recently in february and, again, last week.

by way of background,
   i am fifty years of age and a retired electrical engineer.
i am a jew and i am mostly conservative,
   with a dash of "small_l" libertarianism for flavor.
in general, i am somewhere to the right of rush limbaugh.
i was a liberal through the end of high_school.
two years of work before university showed me the "real world" and
   caused me to question the Goodness of american liberalism.
i have been subscribed to -advocacy and -chat for some years and
   i am an infrequent poster.

i strongly suspect that it is precisely because i am not a christian that
   i don't have any moral problem with beastie.
however, in my "missionary" work to persuade people to
   undergo a nearly_full religious conversion from redmond to berkeley
   [ "you don't have to get rid of --ALL-- of your redmond platforms,
       it's ok to keep one in the corner, just in case you really need it." ],
   i have encountered people who are concerned about beastie and
   that whole "demon in a box" thing.
in these situations, i have found it helpful to relate two stories.

first, as many readers are aware, we jews make A Really Big Deal out of
   remembering our residency in egypt some 3300 years ago.
at that time, the industry of technology was in its infancy.
iirc, according to the famous charlton heston movie, "the ten commandments".


   the wheel and the lever were known and
   there was some knowledge of metallurgy [ stone_cutting tools ],
   but not much else.
public_works projects were, as a result, labor_intensive.
the nascent curriculum of labor_relations_management reduced to one rule:
   "me master, you slave".

the pharoahs and their allied aristocracy were very wealthy.
consequently, their productivity was high because
   they had many slaves working in parallel toward project completion.

unfortunately, over time,
   the labor_relations dweebs discovered that slavery had "issues".
beasts_of_burden were easy to control, but humans were more difficult
   [ "i just don't get it, ramses.
     we give the hebrews everything they need:  food, shelter and a job.
     we relieve them of the responsibility of providing for themselves.
     why don't they realize how good they have it?
     where's my concubine?" ].
it's that whole "brains" thing.

thanks to the march of technological innovation,
   it is no longer necessary to use humans and other animals
   to perform acts of drudgery.
we invent machines, like the pickup_truck and the back_hoe and,
   dare i say it, the embedded_microcontroller.
in the best case,
   we invent devices to be used in dangerous situations.

point one:  if the Eternal One had not meant for
   we humans to improve the condition of
   the earthly existence of ourselves and the other animals,
   He wouldn't have given us the brains we need
   to invent machines that relieve us of drudgery and danger.

second, i relate the now legendary anecdote about
   the epiphany of the famous actor, ron silver,


   which occured at the first clinton inaugural
   [ he had a second one after 2001_sep_11_tue,
       but that's not important in this discussion ].
this story is frequently told by rush limbaugh
   on his justly famous radio experience,
   so it is very familiar to conservatives you meet.
this permits you, the salesman,
   to establish a bond with your potential customer
   that comes from the concept of "shared experience"
   [ "this salesman is familiar with concepts with which i am familiar.
     i am a Good Person.
     therefore, this salesman is also a Good Person.
     this salesman believes in his Product.
     therefore, --i-- believe in his Product.
     where's my plastic?" ].
this is the story you tell to close the deal.

it is told in the Book of Limbaugh that at the 1993 inaugural,
   as part of the ceremonies,
   a formation of fighter jets flew overhead
   [ somewhere; different tellings use different locations in d. c. ].
mr. silver, a --FLAMING-- liberal [ still is, mostly ],
   was positively incensed at this blatant show of unbridled militarism.
[ readers will recall that the previous dozen years were
     those of the reagan and bush_41 administrations.
   this should put his mindset in perspective. ]
at this point, there are two versions of the story.
one is that his recognition_of_fundamental_truth occured
   wholly within his own brain, by his own thoughts.
the version rush tells has an unknown person next to him responding
   to his verbalized complaint, saying
   "but, ron, those are --OUR-- planes, now"
   [ google:  ron silver our planes ].
one can visualize the pleased look of "aha!" on his face.

when the planes were at the command of the Evil reagan and the Evil bush_41,
   they were Evil, part of the Forces_of_Darkness.
commanded by the Good hillary,
   through bill, the instrument of her Goodness,
   these were now the forces of Goodness and Light and Righteousness.

point two:  those are --our-- demons, now.

berkeley daemons [ as opposed to "demons" in general ] are our slaves
   [ because they are not animate, this form of slavery is moral ].
they exist to relieve us of the drudgery of performing
   highly_useful, but routine, duties,
   such as swapping pages or receiving spam.
inherently, they are neither Good nor Evil.
they act at the will of the human who controls them.
if the human is Good, then the daemons are Good.
if any particular human has concerns about any particular daemon,
   that human need not start that daemon.

can any of us say the same about the redmond platform?
just --what-- is it doing in there?
it is precisely because i --don't-- know
   what's going on inside
   that causes me to believe that
   bill gates is the "spawn of satan's strumpet".

not only should we keep beastie, we should flaunt him.
he is the very symbol of the enlightenment of mankind.

life is short; be eccentric.


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