Alright you primitive screwheads, LISTEN UP!!

Conrad J. Sabatier conrads at
Wed May 18 22:17:45 PDT 2005

On Mon, 16 May 2005 20:39:32 +0000 (GMT), wpaul at (Bill Paul)

> Ok everyone, PAY ATTENTION! Drop whatevery your doing for the next
> five minutes and READ THIS!!
> You see that header on this e-mail? You see the "From:" line? Go and
> read it to yourself. Read the name. Say it to yourself, out loud.
> No no, go back and do it again.
> Again!
> You see what is says? It says "Bill Paul." It does
> *********NOT********* say "Paul Bill," does it now. WELL DOES IT!!?!?!
> No, it damn well doesn't! And yet, for some incomprehensible reason.
> the majority of you nitwits seem to think it does!!!!!!
> Get this through your miserable little heads: my first name is BILL!!!
> Understand that? Bill! BEE EYE ELL ELL!!!
>               ____    _____   _        _        _   _ 
>              |  _ \  |_   _| | |      | |      | | | |
>              | |_) |   | |   | |      | |      | | | |
>              |  _ <    | |   | |      | |      | | | |
>              | |_) |  _| |_  | |____  | |____  |_| |_|
>              |____/  |_____| |______| |______| (_) (_)
> I can carve it into your skull with a rusty railroad spike if that
> would make it easier to remember!
> Do **************NOT*************** send me e-mails opening with
> "Dear Paul!" That is _NOT_ my name! I don't care if you don't speak
> english as a first language, are distracted, tired, confused, retarded
> or the President of the United States: if you can't manage to scrape
> together enough neurons to correctly choose which one of two lousy
> syllables to use when addressing me, then I would rather never hear
> from you at all!!!!!!
> I am not kidding around here! I've been beating my brains out for
> you rotten bastards for ten lousy years, and after all that time
> I expect you to at least do me the courtesty of GETTING MY STUPID
> This crap has been going on for years. It ends now. Anybody who's
> dumb enough to send me an e-mail addressed to "Paul" instead of "Bill"
> will be permanently banned from my inbox. I don't care if you're on
> fire and need me to put you out: you will become persona non grata
> and you will stay that way. Furthermore, anybody who screws up and
> gets my name wrong in person will quickly find themselves beaten, 
> ground into a fine powder and sprinkled over Richard Stallman's
> oatmeal!!!
> And no, I don't want to hear your lousy comments on the matter!
> Don't follow up!! Don't reply!! Just nod quietly and DON'T MAKE THIS
> -Bill   <------------ SEE!!! LOOK!!! IT'S RIGHT THERE!!!!! IDIOTS!!!!!

Well, that's what you get for having a name that's made up of two first
names.  :-)

Seriously, where I work (the U.S. Postal Service), people with names
like yours cause no end of confusion and grief, particularly when it
comes to the forwarding of mail, as our oh-so-cleverly designed (read:
brain-damaged) Central Forwarding System (CFS) uses the first four
letters of the last name, along with the last three digits of the old
address (leading zero-padded, if need be), to distinguish one forwarding
order from another.  And then you have magazine and newspaper
publishers, as well as other correspondents, who choose to invert the
order of names, for reasons known only to them and their Higher Power,
if they have one.  You can just imagine the uproarious, madcap fun that

Sorry, but I've no sympathy at all.  Bloody double first-namers. 
You'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.  :-)

Conrad J. Sabatier <conrads at> -- "In Unix veritas"

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