Email server

[star-one at tx.rr.com]

 All:
This is the first time I've posted here but I need some help.  
Here is what I need:
I have a FreeBSD 7 box running Apache for my webpage.
I can't use it for Email because my ISP has listed my IP address as SPAM.
I have setup Email on a different server. i.e. pop.secureserver.net and smtp.secureserver.net.
I can get incomming mail with fetchmail using pop3 but sendmail gets rejected using the smtp.secureserver.net.
I tried ssmtp for outgoing and it worked but then fetchmail couldn't deliver it locally.
I am lost. There has got to be a better way. I don't want to use a mail client like KMail because the goal it to automate outgoing mail based on incoming mail. e.g. You send me an email, I do something cool with it and send it back.

I'm about ready to use Windows. That's how frustrated I am.
Please help.

Thanks
Dave