misc/112024: [patch] misc fixes to fortunes
Niclas Zeising
niclas.zeising at gmail.com
Mon Apr 23 11:19:08 UTC 2007
On 4/23/07, FreeBSD-gnats-submit at freebsd.org
<FreeBSD-gnats-submit at freebsd.org> wrote:
> Thank you very much for your problem report.
> It has the internal identification `misc/112024'.
> The individual assigned to look at your
> report is: freebsd-bugs.
>
> You can access the state of your problem report at any time
> via this link:
>
> http://www.freebsd.org/cgi/query-pr.cgi?pr=112024
>
> >Category: misc
> >Responsible: freebsd-bugs
> >Synopsis: [patch] misc fixes to fortunes
> >Arrival-Date: Mon Apr 23 09:50:04 GMT 2007
>
And here is the patch as promised, it got lost somewhere...
//Niclas
--
-------------- next part --------------
Index: fortunes
===================================================================
RCS file: /home/ncvs/src/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes,v
retrieving revision 1.238
diff -u -r1.238 fortunes
--- fortunes 30 Mar 2007 04:31:53 -0000 1.238
+++ fortunes 23 Apr 2007 09:32:48 -0000
@@ -457,7 +457,7 @@
3. If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
4. Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
to psychological problems.
-5. Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge. Learn to recognize
+5. Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge. Learn to recognize
foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
6. Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze, internal organs
@@ -722,8 +722,9 @@
%
... with liberty and justice for all who can afford it.
%
- 12 + 144 + 20 + 3(4) 2
- ---------------------- + 5(11) = 9 + 0
+ 1/2
+ 12 + 144 + 20 + 3*4 2
+ ---------------------- + 5*11 = 9 + 0
7
A dozen, a gross and a score,
@@ -821,7 +822,7 @@
"Nope." replies his wife. "Two of them are jumping up and down in
the back of your truck, and the other one is honking the horn!"
%
- A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for
+ A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for
her birthday. An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her
looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. "My pup," she murmured
sadly, "runneth over."
@@ -2099,7 +2100,7 @@
line printers, you can still have a beautiful secretary. Be linear. Strive
to stay employed.
-- Technolorata, "Analog"
-%
+%
"Haig, in congressional hearings before his confirmatory, paradoxed
his audiencers by abnormaling his responds so that verbs were nouned, nouns
verbed, and adjectives adverbised. He techniqued a new way to vocabulary his
@@ -2542,7 +2543,7 @@
should find what I'm looking for by mid May. I hope I can remember what it
was by the time I find it.
I had this idea for a new horror film, "VMS Manuals from Hell" or maybe
-"The Paper Chase : IBM vs. DEC". It's based on Hitchcock's "The Birds", except
+"The Paper Chase: IBM vs. DEC". It's based on Hitchcock's "The Birds", except
that it's centered around a programmer who is attacked by a swarm of binder
pages with an index number and the single line "This page intentionally left
blank."
@@ -2650,7 +2651,7 @@
In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish. It
changes into a bird whose wings are like clouds filling the sky. When this
bird moves across the land, it brings a message from Corporate Headquarters.
-This message it drops into the midst of the program mers, like a seagull
+This message it drops into the midst of the programmers, like a seagull
making its mark upon the beach. Then the bird mounts on the wind and, with
the blue sky at its back, returns home.
The novice programmer stares in wonder at the bird, for he understands
@@ -2883,28 +2884,6 @@
forever, in a clean, honest, purified, Electroworld.
-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
%
- Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL
-character named Jack. Jack and his relations were poor. Often their
-hash table was bare. One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices
-are sparse. You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some
-BASICs." She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it
-to him.
- So Jack set out. But as he was walking along a Hamilton path,
-he met the traveling salesman.
- "Whither dost thy flow chart take thou?" prompted the salesman
-in high-level language.
- "I'm going to the market to exchange this RAM for some chips
-and Apples," commented Jack.
- "I have a much better algorithm. You needn't join a queue
-there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."
- Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house. But when
-he told his busy-waiting parent of the deal, she became so angry she
-started thrashing.
- "Don't you even have any artificial intelligence? All these
-kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the
-window...
- -- Mark Isaak, "Jack and the Beanstack"
-%
Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode
into the saloon. As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man
galloped through town screaming, "Big Mike's comin'! Run fer yer lives!"
@@ -2962,7 +2941,7 @@
They can't prove who they are because they've left their
passports in their hotel room. For three weeks they're tortured day
and night to get them to name their contacts in the liberation
-movement.. Finally they're hauled in front of a military court,
+movement. Finally they're hauled in front of a military court,
charged with espionage, and sentenced to death.
The next morning they're lined up in front of the wall where
they'll be shot. The sergeant in charge of the firing squad asks them
@@ -3033,7 +3012,7 @@
Assume that she bought them at a flea market.
-- James Peterson and Kate Nolan
%
- NEW YORK-- Kraft Foods, Inc. announced today that its board of
+ NEW YORK -- Kraft Foods, Inc. announced today that its board of
directors unanimously rejected the $11 billion takeover bid by Philip
Morris and Co. A Kraft spokesman stated in a press conference that the
offer was rejected because the $90-per-share bid did not reflect the
@@ -3629,7 +3608,7 @@
Go to Africa, organize a safari, find an elephant in the jungle and shoot it.
That way you'll get it out of your system."
Sam immediately made arrangements for a safari hunt in Africa,
-inviting his best friend to join him. They arrived in Nairobi and lost no
+inviting his best friend to join him. They arrived in Nairobi and lost no
time getting out on the jungle trails. After they had been hunting for
several days, Sam's best friend grabbed him by the arm one morning and
yelled at him:
@@ -3887,14 +3866,14 @@
%
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff
in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody but one girl
-laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you
+laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you
got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she said. "I'm leaving Friday anyway.
%
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
"You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle
in his hand. But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
- "Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course,
+ "Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course,
but not much good in a fight."
%
The devout Jew was beside himself because his son had been dating
@@ -4158,7 +4137,7 @@
%
The master programmer moves from program to program without fear. No
change in management can harm him. He will not be fired, even if the project
-is canceled. Why is this? He is filled with the Tao.
+is canceled. Why is this? He is filled with the Tao.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all
@@ -4309,7 +4288,7 @@
to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's
wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey,
Dave!" The Aggie looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner
-of the voice -- with no success. Then he realized he had lost his place in
+of the voice -- with no success. Then he realized he had lost his place in
line and had to wait all over again. When the fan finally bought his ticket,
he was thirsty, so he went to buy a drink. The line at the concession stand
was long, too, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as
@@ -4345,7 +4324,7 @@
make sure that they are Earthlings. Then there's the police. In Portland,
when some guy goes bananas, the cops rope off a sixteen block area around
him and call a shrink from the medical school who stands atop a patrol car
-with a megaphone and shouts, "OK! THIS! ALL! STARTED! WHEN! YOU! WERE!
+with a megaphone and shouts, "OK! THIS! ALL! STARTED! WHEN! YOU! WERE!
THREE! YEARS! OLD! ON! ACCOUNT! OF! YOUR MOTHER! RIGHT? SO! LET'S!
TALK! ABOUT! IT!" Down here they don't waste that kind of time. The LAPD
has SWAT teams composed of guys who make Darth Vader look like Mr. Peepers.
@@ -4475,7 +4454,7 @@
warlord Wu. The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to design:
an accounting package or an operating system?"
"An operating system," replied the programmer.
- The warlord uttered an exclamation of disbelief. "Surely an
+ The warlord uttered an exclamation of disbelief. "Surely an
accounting package is trivial next to the complexity of an operating
system," he said.
"Not so," said the programmer, "when designing an accounting package,
@@ -4485,7 +4464,7 @@
appearances. When designing an operating system, the programmer seeks the
simplest harmony between machine and ideas. This is why an operating system
is easier to design."
- The warlord of Wu nodded and smiled. "That is all good and well,"
+ The warlord of Wu nodded and smiled. "That is all good and well,"
he said, "but which is easier to debug?"
The programmer made no reply.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
@@ -4925,7 +4904,7 @@
sure, little lady, it's eleven-thirty. Wanna get high?
Don't bother thinking that instant lust will turn into the real thing.
It may, but then you may also wake up one morning to find you're the Queen of
-Rumania.
+Romania.
-- Cynthia Hemiel, "Sex Tips for Girls"
%
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last,
@@ -5365,9 +5344,9 @@
For those who have had too much of Esalen, Topanga, and Kairos.
Tired of being genuine all the time? Would you like to learn how
to be a little phony again? Have you disclosed so much that you're
-beginning to avoid people? Have you touched so many people that
-they're all beginning to feel the same? Like to be a little dependent?
-Are perfect orgasms beginning to bore you? Would you like, for once,
+beginning to avoid people? Have you touched so many people that
+they're all beginning to feel the same? Like to be a little dependent?
+Are perfect orgasms beginning to bore you? Would you like, for once,
not to express a feeling? Or better yet, not be in touch with it at
all? Come to us. We promise to relieve you of the burden of your
great potential.
@@ -6724,7 +6703,7 @@
-- Whitney Balliett
%
A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels
-qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic
+qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic
in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally.
%
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
@@ -6778,9 +6757,6 @@
A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.
-- Robert Frost
%
-A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
-you will look forward to the trip.
-%
A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember
your birthday when you never look any older?"
%
@@ -7432,7 +7408,7 @@
%
A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad
right?" And Santa says, "Yes, I do." The little kid then asks, "And you
-know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute." So the
+know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute."i So the
little kid then says, "Well, if you know when I'm bad and when I'm good,
then how come you don't know what I want for Christmas?"
%
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